An Open Letter to My Procrastination Ability

My Dearest Procrastination,
You allow me to do the things I really want to do; you allow me the freedom to surf The Web for hours on end so as to avoid doing a simple three-paragraph essay for Renaissance Lit. class. I simultaneously love and despise you. Sometimes it seems like you team up with my A.D.D. to create the Axis of No Productive Work and wage a war against my Better Judgment. I can’t really fault you for this. I’ve been developing and perfecting your every technique since I knew what homework was. Something else has always been able to catch my attention easily, whether it’s a baseball game, cartoons, just finding something to eat, or going to the bathroom when I didn’t really need to.
You have tricks too! Just when I start to feel like I’m getting things done you pop up and reel me back in to being worthless. To be honest, you’re kinda rude about it. You don’t say “Please?” Sometimes, though, my Brain Power wins and shuts the door in your face after you’ve pressed me to a deadline. You come in different forms. You know me exceedingly well. You only have one goal, and that is the antithesis of what I have set out to do.
Over the years I have tried to get rid of you to no avail. There have been stretches where you’ve taken a vacation and I’ve had extremely productive spells. But those never last for long. You keep coming back like a homeless man to a shelter for dinner. You can survive on your own for a little while but you always find your way back.
I just wish I could control you better. You’re unruly. You come and go as you please and do whatever you want whenever you want. We’ve shared some good times, like the science fair of ’97, the history paper of ’01, the permission slip of ’95. And who could forget the infamous mowing the lawn incident of 2000?
What should I do with you? I don’t know if I could kick you to the curb. We’ve grown together through so many years that bringing you down would only allow Better Judgment to rule my days. Let’s be honest, I don’t really want that. Although, you have taught me some good lessons when it comes to this year’s music independent project. Research can only be put off so long. I’ve tried to push you away but at times it was like trying to push a brick wall.
Even as I try to complete this paragraph you make me want to do other things. I know I have to finish, I know this is due, but you keep telling me to “Ethan…put it off. You know you want to check out Facebook for no real reason. You know you’re thirsty. You know you’re uncomfortable in that chair and want to lie down in your comfy bed.” Yes. Yes, I do know all these things but I have to push you away for the time being and then we can get back to doing unnecessary things. We can make sure that my ten-page paper….oh crap there goes my cell. I bet you did that intentionally. I guess I’ll never escape your clutches.
With fond regards…eventually,
Ethan