Lists...

hopefully these are funny....work in progress:

License Plates on Hummer:

SMPEN15
LIL DICK
NEED BJ
GUZZLER
MY GAS
COMPNST
GL PR ML


Sports ESPN will be broadcasting in the near future:

Roulette
Hi-Lai
US Staring Contest
Thumb Wrestling World Championships
Tick-Tac-Toe Open


These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things:

Hammocks
Ironing
Jogging
Peaches
Chopsticks
Plungers
Fresh Cut Grass

Recent Account of the Drive Across Country

Characters that will undoubtedly appear in later writing of mine:

“Lola” the southern bell bartender from Louisville, Kentucky whose catchphrase was: “can I get ya’ll anything”

The mentally retarded “waitress” at the World Food Restaurant who repeated the following several times in succession: “everything is real good here. You can’t have a bad meal, everything is really fresh and made here.” She was actually quite right.

Grandmother of a best friend who stays up watching Law & Order till 12am, all the while wearing a shiny silver tracksuit from 1992 and constantly asks if you need anything. When offering something to drink always begins with “iced tea.”

Ivan the guitar/singer who had the makings of a great mullet but stops just short. But still has a goatee and sings all your favorite cliché songs but somehow doesn’t know “Roxanne” or “Freebird” and plays entirely with .midi accompaniment.

Kevin’s dad Gary, who during their annual Memorial Day softball game pitched its entirety and so much smack in between pitches I thought I was in the NBA. He said things such as, “you’re up again?” (2 pitches later) “you’re still up at bat?” and after the following pitch which is a foot outside says, “it doesn’t get more perfect than that.” Earlier in the day before the game he greets a kid named David Simpson and says, “Mr. Simpson, hello David” then mere hours later sees him at his house for a BBQ and says “hello Mr. Paul Simpson”….”umm no..” “David, yeah that’s right.” In addition he wears black socks with black sandals. He dances without looking at his wife and essentially just walks in circles with his elbows at 90-degree angles.

Barri the 16 year old dog who is deaf and is the exact size and proportion as house cat. Only comes to you if she thinks you have food and turns away immediately when she realizes you don’t.

more coming......